Insecurity

Insecurity.

Yes, I was someone that used to struggle with insecurity.
I seek for acceptance, and wanting approval.

Insecurity has crippled me to moved on, having a good and healthy relationship with people. Most of the time I ended up hurting people that are dear to me or I will end up feeling drained trying to please them, as a result I wasn't happy and life for me was tough and SAD. I was struggling inside although I manage to put up a "happy" mask most of the time.

I remembered when I was really desperate, I want to changed! I want to be able to dream and LIVE. Crying out to God, I do feel God is so far... I wonder if he ever will reach out or does he even hear my cry? Oh  well, that was silly I know. The truth is this... God knows even before I talked to him. He knows my struggles and OF COURSE he hears me.

The amazing thing about God sees beyond my flaws and He help me to stand up. He assures me countless time. And the best part is He accept me! and He loves me.

God's love is simply amazing! He puts conviction in my heart... that I finally decided to speak one of the leaders in church. I feel that I was the breakthrough.

This is the thing about insecurity / rejection etc... I need to constantly guard my mind and my heart. but repenting and speaking to leaders really feels like the big rock that I carried for years have been lifted up. He helps me to see that I am accepted and I do not need to please everybody. I do not need to be "good enough" to be accepted. 

God says, He knows me even I am still in my mother's womb. He has a plan for me.

He helps me and walk with me during those time that I felt insecure... He sees me through.
That is the God that I serve.

Father

ok now what?? I miss my dad.
I wish i could share with him my struggles and seek wisdom from him.

I know my dad would provide, protect and support, if he is still around.

Actually, God has been really good to me. He always assure me that I am his daughter.
He has been providing for me, protecting me and supporting me.

His words have guided me countless time.

Thank you Father for being there for me. Thank you Lord for calling me your child.

Chinese New Year 2010

It's really good to spend time with family. Usually during CNY it's the time i set aside for family.

Really good to be back to the place where I was born. Arrived Tangkak about 8pm. The sky was so clear that I could see the stars in the sky.

I missed my grandma very much. Our house is getting quieter each year. I missed those days where we all gather at the living room to watch TV together, laugh at our stupid jokes... teasing each other. We still do but someone not having grandma around, i felt something is missing, as tho someone dug a hole in my heart... left my heart feeling empty.

CNY is a time that i most look forward. It's the only time where the LEEs gathered. This year we decided to give one of my aunt surprise birthday party. It was so random! Being in Kampung, at wee hour... we obviously can't get something decent.

and we only have 5 mins to prepare. 

Wat we have for her?? ha, maggie mee and eggs.

 

But... it was prepared with LOVE=D

Hahahah MISSION accomplished! She was super surprise. Once again the LEE's resident was filled with laughter. Yes we laugh a lot and mind you we are loud... We play a lot when we get together. 

and since it's CNY of course need to have lou sang =p

 

I love this family. I appreciate and love each and everyone of them. I am glad and thankful that God put me in this family. 

We end the night with facial. I did facial for my aunties... 

Now that CNY is over... all of us back to our normal routine again. Sometime i wish family time like this never ends... heheheeh

Grace

I have learn much about grace in Eaglepoint.
Remember the bosses in Eaglepoint have shown me much grace.

LifeGroup

I can't ask for better LG =)  Creative Life is simply awesome!
(Remind me that this LG is awesome during difficult times, during offenses took place etc...)

What makes this lifegroup awesome? Is the PEOPLE of course. Kel, Jude, Neil, Dan, Cuz, Kaz, Dom, Man, JamesK, Leong, Joel, Eu Wyn, Mana, DoreenK, Fenelon, Melchor, Jeyna.... and many more =)

As time past, I have grew to Love them, enjoy their company, and also dream together with my leader.

No, this don't happen overnight.

I remember when I first join the Life Group. I dread attending it. (I still dread attending sometimes =p)
I struggle to fit in.

What cause the changed?

I remember talking to Max about how I don't like to be in the LG. But Max, being Max... always so encouraging. He told me we should be the thermostat. How the life group would be it also depends on us (the people) not just depending on the leaders.

So not satisfied with the way I am. I pray and pray and pray.
Desperately need to change my perspective and want to be part of the LG. Asking God to change my heart and perspective.
Slowly I begin to dream together with my leaders, and begin to pray for the LG and the people in LG.
I begin to desire to see growth and change in the LG.

I begin to cherish and love each and everyone in the LG.
It's awesome to grow together and build together.

I thank God for THIS LG.

Rest

Gen 2:2
On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work.
Gen 2:3
And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation.
  
I feel that it is not God intention to make us busy. 
The fact is that, life is busy. There are so much to be done. 
Ps. Steven, once said to me... we want you to rest. Initially I didn't think that I needed to rest. As in, solitude time. A break... a day not having any activity. Just rest, spend solid time with God. 

Even God rested... what makes me think that I don't need rest? 

Rest is essential. Being busy definitely don't make me a better person.

Good day, people

Psalm 118:24
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

There's a saying - "Today is a present"
Sometimes our day can be hard, but surely there will be something we can learn from it.

Have a great day, people =)

I am wrong; I am sorry

I got to admit this, there are times I do find it hard to admit that I am wrong.
Pride sips in... and it brings me to no where.

Humility is the key is success, and I think pride will somehow leave us a feeling of insecure.

Pride = Destruction.

CYW Kuching

 

on the way to airport! 

 

ok, we were late! the counter closed. meaning we missed our flight =(

 

bought new ticket, waiting for Kaz to come pick us up.

AND dinner!!!

 

hahaha nah, this not our dinner... it's a side thing that i ordered. 

was super hungry.

 

Yupe... back to familiar ground. we camp in church. slept in the Dance room.

and... 

 

did a farewell for Jasmine =)

 

ah.. love morning flight. Got up early, leave church at 5am... so that we don't miss our flight again

 

can't wait to land... 

 

we are landing soon!!!

 

Yummy kuching food. 

the origin of 3 layer tea... yum yum

 

Yummy sarawak laksa

 

After lunch we went to Studio 23 before going to the hall. 

This studio own by Serena and Albert. Beautiful Studio. I love it. 

 

Celebrated their birthday =) Jasmine, Serena & Nai Lin

 

Oh oh oh... and we did a surprise presentation for NaiLin and Serena. 

And manage to make NL cry =p

 

Rehearsal time =) concert was held at Kuching Inti College

 

Our so called dressing room =)

 

getting ready for the event

 

While waiting for our turn, we take picture la... apa lagi

 

Got to rush off to airport immediately after our 2nd performance. 

Only found out flight delayed when we arrived. 

Our dinner? BUNS... 

 

waiting to board the plane. 

Jasmine... so gonna miss her. Our last dance together before she comes back again. 

For other version of CYW, click here =p

or click here for report of CYW, Kuching.

The Legion of Extraordinary dancers

Bye Bye Jas

The Jasmine I know...

Kuching was the last dance we danced together. She will be flying off to Australia for 2 years to further her studies.

She adds color to the team. We love her as who she is. 

She is such a sweet sweet gal. Love her lotz. 

And she gave each of us each a virtual gift. click here